OK GOD, 'SPLAIN ME

I'm not a religious person. Sometimes I think that if my daughter-in-law knew what I ate, she'd never let me kiss the babies again.

But, I am a believer. And G-d and I have a running conversation that has been going on for years and years. Once in a while, I get the feeling, that when He's bored, G-d comes to watch me in my kitchen.

And G-d knows, He has a wicked sense of humour. You know that second when your hand slips and the bottle of olive oil starts to flow across the kitchen floor? Or, my second favourite, when that egg falls and cracks open by your feet?

Those are the times I look upwards and whisper, 'Cute, G-d. Not funny. But cute.'

I love having a kosher home. I love that everyone can eat comfortably in my house. And I have always treasured the holidays and the different food and customs each brings.

I guess you could call me 'flexidox'.

A dear friend wrote me the other day and asked why, when Jews are praying so hard on Yom Kippur, that G-d inscribe them for another year in The Book of Life...and why, when Jews are facing their sins and asking forgiveness...and why, on this Day of Atonement, when Jews are fasting...

...do we wish each other an easy fast? Tsom Kal. צום קל.

Made me stop and think.

I asked my oldest son, the religious one, and he said that only secular Jews wish each other an easy fast. Is that true? Are we...the uncovered head group... looking for an easy way out? While the black hats and kippa srugah fellows aren't? Are they busy beating their breasts while we are counting the minutes till we can have our honey cake and tea?

I read tehilim every day...psalms. It all started when my youngest was in the army and got sick. As time passed, I became more and more frantic to get him to a good doctor and find out what was wrong with my baby. But the army marches to the beat of a different drummer then mom's do. We march according to our heart and when we get scared they beat very fast.

So, I turned to my daughter-in-law who we transported from Bnei Brak and asked her,
'Honey, when you say tehilim, will you please send a prayer for my baby?'
'Marallyn, it will mean a lot more if that prayer comes from his Mother.'

Tricky!!! Now what? I was stuck. So, I started. A little here and a little more there. And the strange thing was I liked it. It felt right, this psalm business. Jewish Meditation.

Then I started making deals with G-d.
'Listen, Lord. If You will make sure my baby is all right, I'll...'

Oops. You don't make a deal with The Lord and then put it in your pocket and sit down on it. I mean, it's not like a TV program where if you don't like what's behind door number three, you can exchange it for the contents on the big box on the stage.

So, I figured my safest deal was to promise to say tehilim every day. And in all the years since, I may not have had time to say them all but I get to them. Except one strange day when I forgot and had to go to the Rabbis for advice. Ptew, I'm safe.

So, here I am a flexidox Jew, who reads tehilim (and now I'm stuck with Perek Shirah too, don't ask...no English translation and it's all about crickets or something talking to God. Supposed to be really heavy stuff. I kinda like it) and fasts on Yom Kippur.

And horrors, of horrors, my fast has always been an easy one, tfu tfu tfu. Well, except for one year when I drank too much water and didn't think I would make it home safely from Shul. But, that's another story.

So, is my fast easy because I'm not suffering enough? Because I don't have enough sins to atone for? Impossible!!!

Am I insulting you when I send out those emails hoping that you are all inscribed in the Book of Life once again for another year? And that that year be a sweet and healthy one? And that you all have a tsom kal, an easy fast?

I hope not. Because that's really what I wish you. A sweet year. A healthy year. A year of happy days and peaceful nights. A year of simchas. And an easy fast.

G'mar Hatima Tova.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.