Thursday, October 05, 2006

TEN WAYS TO ELIMINATE GOSSIP, G-D HELP ME

First of all, once again a sweet Chag Sameach as we prepare to begin the holiday of Sukkot. Finally, a holiday of joy. You all know the old joke:
How can you sum up the history of the Jews in ten words or less?
They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

From aish.com by Rabbi Kalman Packouz
http://www.aish.com/torahportion/shalomweekly/Sukkot_5767.asp

Well, as stated in today's article by the good Rabbi, "A large percentage of the AL CHAITS- the transgressions listed in the Yom Kippur Prayer book for which we ask forgiveness - deal with speech."

Bubbie Channah told me that I began speaking full sentences at nine months old and from then on the moment I opened my eyes I opened my mouth.
My younger brother, Dovidle says that's why he didn't start talking until he was 2 1/2!

So I've got to figure that this 'speech' business isn't going to be easy.

Here are the Rabbi's TEN PATHWAYS TO ELIMINATE GOSSIP (my thoughts are in blue, :))

(1) Speak No Evil. Say only positive statements. Let words of kindness be on your tongue. This means to respond instead of react. Edit your speech before you speak. I can do that. Bubbie Channah taught us that if you don't have anything nice to say about a person, then don't say anything at all. Like when you see a girlfriend who is wearing a dress you wouldn't put on a dog, you can say "Minnie! What a dress! In my whole life, I never saw a dress like that." See...okay, I got past (1).

(2) Hear No Evil. Refuse to listen to gossip, slander and other negative forms of speech. If you're on a diet, don't bring the cake and cookies into the house. I don't know what the cake and cookies have to do with this one. If you're ending gossip, try and keep away from conversations that may tempt you to listen or chime in. If avoiding the conversation is impossible, have another topic of "positive" interest you can quickly bring up in order to change the subject. I have a friend like that. No one invites him for dinner anymore.

(3) Don't Rationalize Destructive Speech. Excuses like "But it's true" or "I'm only joking" or "I can tell my spouse anything" just don't cut it. Gossip is gossip. The fact that it is true is what qualifies it as gossip. If it were not true, it would be libel or slander, depending upon the medium. I'm afraid I'm guilty of this one too. My feeling is that the truth is the truth. Either live with it or change it. Oh, oh, am I in trouble now?

(4) See No Evil. Judge people favorably, the way you would want them to judge you. If you've ever been accused of doing something for which you know you were innocent, then you know how it feels to be misjudged. Remember, if you weren't there, you don't know. Even if you were there, you may have missed the context of what actually happened. I try. G-d knows, I try.

(5) Beware of Speaking Evil Without Saying An Evil Word. Body language, and even positive speech can bring tremendous destruction. My daughter is the expert on 'the look', bless her. I taught her well. Since she was a baby she could melt stone with that look.

(6) Be Humble. Avoid Arrogance. These will be your greatest weapons against destructive speech. Take pleasure in your accomplishments, not pride. This way you recognize the Ultimate Source of your accomplishments. Those who are arrogant are so full of themselves, that there is no room for God in their lives. I'm humble...and...nope better stop while I'm ahead.

(7) Beware Of Repeating Information. Even positive information needs permission before being repeated. Telling someone who's out of a job that your mutual friend got a raise, does not constitute proper speech. On this one they are right. Even if this person is a terrible person and you have waited years to give them a zetz...not worth it. Does what you think count too?

(8) Honesty Really Is The Best Policy - Most of the Time. Be careful to always tell the truth unless it will hurt others, break your own privacy or publicize your accomplishments. Strive for honesty in everything you do. If it's between honesty and unnecessarily hurting another's feelings, it's better not to be so truthful. Those who boast about being "brutally honest" are usually more brutal than honest. My Dad, AH always told me that. He said, "Marallyn, remember for every finger you are pointing at someone, you have three more pointing back at you." And, he also told me that if I was going to steal anything, I might as well steal big, since I would end up in jail anyhow. I miss my Dad. And this one should be linked with number (1) and Minnie's chaloshess dress.

(9) Learn to Say, "I'm Sorry." Everyone makes mistakes. If you've spoken badly about someone, clear it up immediately. It might be embarrassing, but get it over with quickly. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, and let him or her know it won't happen again. I agree. And I do. Now as for the 'won't happen again' part, I do my best.

(10) Forgive. If you have been wronged, let it go. Forgive for your sake, if not for theirs. Those who can forgive live healthier, happier, and less stressful lives. Those who say they'll forgive but not forget are actually saying that they'll neither forgive nor forget. I failed (10). This one isn't so easy. Then oodles of years ago, when I began my journey as an Astrologer, I learned that we reincarnate with three types of people. The first one are people who we share lifetimes with simply because life wouldn't be the same without them. You know them, they are the people you meet and instantly like. The second group are people who have hurt you in the past and are here to fix the wrong they have done you. And the final group are people you wronged in the past and you are here to fix that wrong. The truth is that after learning that, I did forgive a bunch of people. I sure don't want to meet them again next time around. But, honestly...there are one or two who...nope I'm not going to say it. My lips are sealed.

I have had fun with this post, but the truth is that I always try really hard not to hurt anyone. And if I do, it's not on purpose. Except sometimes... :)

Have a sweet holiday. Eat something fattening for me too. I give you permission, don't think twice...wait, wait...if you're on a diet DON'T DO IT!!!

OY!

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

9 Comments:

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Val said...

Great post! Rules to live by (the ones in blue, of course!)
Stay well.

 
At 9:07 AM, Anonymous the guv said...

____________________________





the guv

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

damn you are good...funny funny...took me a second...yahoooo guv, yahooooooooo

 
At 9:09 AM, Anonymous the guv said...

Your blog looks great !!!

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

thanks guv...enough with the pink already

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

thanks val for dropping in...i try...G-d knows, i try :)))

 
At 6:50 AM, Anonymous Chavah said...

Here's something to add insight to these 10 rules:
If my tongue is harsh, it reveals an angry heart.
If my tongue goes non-stop, it reveals an unsettled heart.
If my tongue is judgemental, it reveals a guilty heart.
If my tongue is sarcastic, it reveals a bitter heart.
If my tongue is boasting, it reveals an insecure heart.
If my tongue is encouraging, it reveals a happy heart.
If my tongue is gentle, it reveals a peaceful heart.

Before speaking, filter your words through the following screen:
T...Is it Truthful?
H...Is it Helpful?
I...Is it Inspirational?
N...Is it Necessary?
K...Is it kind?
THE KEY IS WHO IS IN THE PILOT POSITION?

For what it's worth, I have found you to have a HAPPY and PEACEFUL heart. You're a keeper.
Stay safe & keep the Faith.
Chavah
P.S. I think your friend, Guv is such a hoot! Love her sense of humor. How lucky you are.

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous the guv said...

If A is equal to C, and C is equal to B, B is equal to A.

Glad to have you as a friend, Chavah . And, thanks for the kind words!

The Guv

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

i love it when the kids play nice...chavah/guv you would love each other :)))

 

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