S IS FOR...

S is for Swimming.

The short version is that about a year and a half ago my orthopedic doctor told me I had to start swimming. My reaction was, "Free Willie?!?"

He had the good grace to chuckle, but I wasn't kidding. I'm Jewish. I go to the beach or pool with my towel wrapped around my polkehs. And after Bubbie Channah passed away I HAD POLKEHS...don't ask. Six Snickers a day plus potato chips...you get the picture. And putting that mass of lovelyness into a bathing suit could have blinded those poor nice people swimming jaunty and jolly in the water!

But, my legs and back were so painful that I decided to give it a try. Somehow I had a suit pushed way back at the end of my shelf and it sort of fitted.

I began scouting pools in the city and found one just up the way from my place, and the price was great. So I hauled myself up there and signed up FOR A YEAR! I figured if I committed to twelve months I would shelp my sorry tuchess to the water.

What I hadn't bargained for is that I LOVE IT! Who knew?

Between the pool and Judy the miracle worker diet lady, I have lost over forty pounds and a gazillion inches off my frame.

Another miracle in the Holy Land, trust me.

So, here's the regime. I swim two lengths and run in place for a count of one hundred. The first time I hung onto the side until I said to myself, "Idiot, you're in water! How far can you fall?" Don't ask!

Now, I'm up to 34 lengths and 3, 400 runs in an hour. Yahooooooo!

I go twice a week because I simply don't have any more free time. Mondays and Wednesdays I'm there. At just before seven in the morning my body is in the water. And off I go.

Let me tell you about the people who swim with me. They all make me look young! Get it? And from 8:15 it is only ladies and that's when the religious ladies arrive. See, they don't swim with men. And they quickly take their hats off and put on the bathing caps. And, some wear long dresses. And others wear undershirts over their suits. I don't know how they don't drown, but these ladies are unbelievable. And they show up every day...well six days...okay maybe five so they can cook and get ready for Shabbat.

I LOVE MY LADIES.

The hardest part is getting out of the pool. See, on the way there you have your suit on under your clothes and all you have to do is strip, put the damn cap on, wrap yourself in the towel and go down the stairs to the pool. But...on the way out you have to face gravity and peel that suit off and shower and dry your hair you shouldn't catch pneumonia from the freezing cold outside and maybe put a little makeup on you shouldn't scare the taxi driver and haul your sorry tuchess into the house where you are now ready to eat breakfast and have a big mug of coffee!

One morning as I walked back into the changing room there was only one little old lady in the room. She was sitting on a green towel and was stark naked except for her little ankle socks! She didn't notice me because she was busy holding up a little mirror as she applied her lipstick! I LOVE MY LADIES.

This week I have to see how long they will freeze my subscription as I'll be away for the summer. Sharon says I can swim in the pool in her building while I'm there and my brother David says I can use his treadmill while I'm in Colorado. And Maeshey says I can swim in the ocean while I'm by him in California.

Who knows? I may break down and buy a new suit. The first one got too big. The next one got too big. And, if I am very careful and, God help me, don't eat myself into hysteria, I may not get into too much trouble the two months I'm in Canada and the States.

Whatever happens, my ladies will be there waiting for me and encouraging me when I get back.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.