WHAT DO TOAST, FRIES AND KISS HAVE IN COMMON?

You got it! They are all French. And lately, next to Kofi Anan, they are my favourite anti semites.

So...when I learned that the United States was going to broker a deal for a ceasefire with the French, I shuddered.

And get this. This is the best part. They, the French, volunteered to send in their own troops to keep our borders safe. They did. I mean it, they really did. I read it over and over in the newspapers.

But don't worry. Well worry, they did write the UN ceasefire agreement...but today on the radio I heard that France is not sending troops. They are busy. Who knows maybe this is truffle season. Oh well, they may consider sending 200 gendarmes. Yeah! We are saved!

Don't you just love them? Mais oui! They remind me of the famous quip by Abba Eban AH when talking about the Palestinians. He said that the Palestinians had a tradition of 'never having lost a chance to miss an opportunity.'

In the middle of this latest war of ours, my blood ran cold when I heard that the French are on their way to help. Sacre Bleu!!! I remember the last time they tried to help us.

I was in Israel that Channukah/Christmas of 1969.

Just before our final move to Israel, my friend Soril and I popped over for winter break to see what Jerusalem was like at that time of year. When I have more time I'll tell you about that trip. That was the trip where I learned that it is colder inside Israeli homes than it is outside. Don't ask.

Israel had commissioned the French to help build a series of missile boats. You don't know the story of the 'stealing' of the five Israeli missile boats - which btw had already been paid for, from the French shipyard of Cherbourg? It's the stuff that Ian Fleming/John Grisham/Tom Clancy could only dream of.

Here's the Cole's Notes version. Don't forget. We ordered them and we paid for them. Five were still being built. What went wrong? On December 26, 1967 Palestinians attacked an Israeli aircraft at Athens airport. In retaliation, Israeli commandos attacked Beirut airport and blew up 13 Lebanese aircraft on the ground. (Remember Arafat and his mamzers were in Lebanon at the time). And French Premier Charles de Gaulle had a fit. Not against the terrorists, God forbid, but against you know who. Nu, no wait, I mean nous!

de Gaulle declared a total French arms embargo which included the Cherbourg boats as well. We started legal procedures that went on and on. In the meantime the French shipbuilders were still working on our boats. 'Norwegian' sailors began showing up in Cherbourg...blond hair, blue eyes. The locals soon got used to them.

During the night of December24/25, 1969 while the people were out celebrating, the local restaurant was still waiting for the 70 ‘Norwegians’ who had reserved tables for dinner.

At nine o'clock the engines were started and the boats began to leave the harbour. By the time the French government realized what had happened they were hopping mad but our ships were already out in international waters and there was nothing they could do.

In a local cafe a barman remarked to his customers, 'I see the Norwegians have left for Alaska.'

On the way, they viewed French Mirages flying overhead and they encountered both American as well as Russian ships. But no one stopped them.

As the ships approached our shores, they were escorted home by Israeli fighter planes. They were safe.

I still remember the joy and pride everyone felt that day. Unbelievable!

Since then our friends the French haven't been much better in regard to our little country. They never miss an opportunity to show how they feel about us.

Have you forgotten Daniel Bernard? Daniel Bernard, the French Ambassador to Britain, who did a Mel Gibson at a party, hosted by newspaper publisher Conrad Black. He called Israel a "shitty little country" and then asked, "Why should the world be in danger of World War III because of those people?"

I am happy to announce, that according to Google, Mr. Bernard was replaced and sent to Algiers eight months later. Meet you at the Casbah, Danny boy. Btw, isn't Bernard a Jewish name? Horrors, could it be? A skeleton? Bubbie Bernard? Has a ring to it, don't you think?

So, when France announced that it was not only going to be a partner in the UN ceasefire agreement but sending the bulk of the UN forces, I knew that this was not going to be good for the Jews.

Norman Schwarzkopf is alleged to have said, 'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.'

Oh, a pro pos the unilateral forces. Germany is hesitating because they don't want to be in a position where they may have to fire at an Israeli. A little too little and a little too late, but a big step for mankind.

So where does that leave us? Thank you for asking. Bangalashesh is willing...Malaysia is willing...Barkus is willing.

We have said that we don't exactly want countries that don't have diplomatic relations with us. So, I guess that leaves it all up to the Norwegians.

Shabbat shalom.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.