Friday, July 28, 2006

Pooped is more than a six-letter word

Yesterday, I decided to take a vacation from the War. Yup, all by myself, I decided that the I.D.F. and all the newscasters in the world would have to get along without me. I mean even G-d took a day off and rested.

We here in Jerusalem are not yet being bombarded by katyushas and missiles, thank goodness. But we are under high alert for suicide bombers and we all have family and friends up north in fallout shelters or serving in the army. So, needless to say, our nerves are frazzled.

There's a constant buzz of tension, like the sound of a mosquito flying around your head in the middle of the night. You know the mamzer is can't see him...but you won't be able to sleep properly until he is either killed or is forced out of your house.

Voila!!! See, I could end this entire blog right here. You get the point. Not politically correct, perhaps, but what the hell. After fifteen days of mosquitos, it's time they...

Here's a quick rundown of my life. I get up and run to the computer and look at the news alerts. Read and answer some of my emails. Get ready to run to work...the girl in the office is on vacation for three weeks and I'm doing a double shift. Don't ask. The old grey mar, she ain't what she used to be.

I attatched Galei Zahal, the army radio station, to my computer and every hour I listen to the latest news. Meet my mom for lunch. Back to the office. Back to the news. Go home. Turn on the television. More news.

Between all that are the phone calls.

'Did you hear?'
'Turn on Fox News!'
'Have you heard from so-and-so who's been sent up north with his unit?'

So, last night I decided to go on strike. I did not turn on my computer. I did not turn on the radio. I did not turn on the television. Like an old fart, I went to bed.

The next thing I knew it was morning.

I was certain that when I woke up I would be my old usual peppy self. Didn't happen.

I guess I'll have to wait until the War is over.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.


At 9:40 AM, Anonymous John said...

Marallyn, I couldn't have said it better myself.

That was great!

At 8:14 PM, Anonymous the guv's mom said...

Once again, she said, " My, she writes sooooo well ". I want you to know that she also always sighs, laughs, and frets in all the appropriate places.

At 8:16 PM, Anonymous the guv said...

" I was certain that when I woke up I would be my old usual peppy self. Didn't happen, " you wrote.

You think YOU have problems?

Every morning I look into my bathroom mirror that ends at the vanity which is waist high. I have NOT seen 3/4 of my breasts, or my navel, in it for over three years now. My four chins are where my breasts used to be, and, if I position my arms just so, my dangling parts cover where my navel used to be. On days when I feel particularly masochistic, I turn around and survey the rest of my body. Haven't seen ANY of my ass in over three years now either. Don't be ridiculous... of course it's still there ! I know because every time I turn around, I have to kick it behind me. Very much like the Queen has to do when she's wearing a gown with a very long train.

So, you think YOU have problems? Eventually, everything is going to settle down in your country.

Everything has ALREADY settled down in my private realm.

The Guv

At 8:19 PM, Anonymous john said...

Marallyn, I couldn't have said it better myself.

That was great!


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