Friday, September 08, 2006

WHEN MA WINS THE LOTTERY TFU TFU TFU

Twice a week Bubbie Channah buys a lottery ticket and we dream. You know the dream… ‘What will we do with the money?’ That dream.

For the last three lotteries no one has won and tomorrow night it will be nineteen million shekel!!! Even in shekels that’s a lot of moolah. Oy.

So first we share ( you notice I became a partner lol) with our cousins who also buy lottery tickets. Cousin Sheldon buys one and Bubbie Channah buys one. See, we figure if it’s bashert that they win all it takes is one ticket. If it isn’t bashert that they win, even if they buy twenty million tickets they still won’t win.

But by each of them buying one ticket they double their chances.

Don’t ask the excitement on Tuesday and Saturday nights when the numbers are announced. My mom who never bothered to learn Hebrew is a champ at the numbers. That Hebrew she knows!!!

Now back to the good part. The money. Well, don’t laugh, someone has to win and one day it’s going to be us. Cast your bread, right?

Ma has decided to divide her part of the winnings between herself, my brother Dovidle and me. She stays up nights worrying how she’s going to send Dovidle his share. She can’t write a check…what’s he going to do with all those shekels? Finally, I explained that she can change them into dollars and send his share by wire. What a relief!

Tomorrow’s lottery is up to nineteen million shekels. So, what would you do with half of nineteen million divided by three divided by four point four?

Divided by two is ma’s share that leaves 9.5 million. Divided by three…Ma/Dovidle/Me, that makes let’s say 3.2 million to make it easy. Divided by 4.4 shekels to the dollar =$727,273 EACH!!!

GO BUBBIE!!!

Every once in a while it’s nice to forget the four more ladies who are pointing a finger of shame at our President. And who knows what’s happening with our former Minister of Justice who is accused of sexual harassment, and that leaves the Three Stooges, Olmert/Peretz/Halutz, the leaders of our country who just botched up the worst war Israel has ever walked away from.

$727,273…has a nice ring to it, no?

When we win, I’ll call you…don’t call me. I already know what I’m going to do with my share. And some of you are on the list.

You think it’s okay when I light Shabbat candles tonight to ask G-d to let Bubbie Channah win the lottery? I mean in the scheme of things it really isn’t of world shaking importance, but it sure would shake up my world.

A sweet Shabbat to you all.

Have a great day…stay safe…and thanks for dropping in.

8 Comments:

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous the guv said...

If I were a rich one,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy one.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle one.

So, let's think this through....... you wouldn't have to go out to work, leaving you time to finish this novel and six more. Of course, they will end up being best sellers that will be turned into screen plays, that will earn you Oscars. All this will bring you wheelbarrows full of moolah.

You wouldn't have to go out to work, leaving you time to do a daily, " Giveret M., Horoscopes for Stars and Winners". Of course, the column will be picked up internationally by hundreds and hundreds of different news papers. This will bring you vanloads full of moolah.

You wouldn't have to go out to work, leaving you time to do more experimental cooking. Of course, you'd invite more and more guests into your home to enjoy your culinary fare, which would lead to you owning and operating, "M. Doesn't Always Stand for Macdonald's", a restaurant to accommodate your grateful following, which would lead to a chain of Israeli restaurants, which would go international, which would bring you a shitload of moolah.

You wouldn't have to go out to work, leaving you time to develop a stand-up comedy routine. Of course, you'd be a HIT at Jerusalem's , " Yuk Yuk's", which would lead to a string of appearances all over Israel, which would lead to a daily talk show on Israeli television, which would lead to guest appearances on all the American talk shows, which would result in your hosting The Academy Awards, which would bring you an indecent amount of moolah.

All this money ON TOP of your share of Bubbie Chanah's windfall.

Man, you would be ONE RICH BUCKAROO ! And, FAMOUS ! And, HAPPY AND FULFILLED ! Of course, you'd also be beyond-stressed, tired, would have no time at all for your family members and "real" friends ( As opposed to hangers-on ), and, in all probability, you would check out permanently at a very early age.

It's a good thing that the chance of Bubbie winning one of these lotteries is mighty slim. I hate to think of life as I know it, without you !!!

The Guv

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

see there is a light at the end of the tunnel...ahhhhh but just for a moment there i loved your scenario...works for me...yiddi biddi biddi biddi bum...shabbat shalom my dear friend...stay safe

 
At 3:42 PM, Anonymous nancy said...

Shabbat Shalom!
Love,
Nancy

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

shabbat shalom to you too nancy...stay safe

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger Stacey said...

Love your blog! And astrology, eh? How fun. I am a Virgo (my bday was last week!)...everything I've ever read about Virgos is completely accurate for me!

Good luck with the lottery tix. I buy the random one, too!

Have a great Shabbos.

 
At 7:27 PM, Anonymous tamara said...

OHHHHH the BIG ????????
What would I do if I'd win the lottery?????
That was a question at the dinner table a while ago.
The five year madele had an answer.
She said: 1). Daddy wouldn't have to go to work.
2). Mommy wouldn't have go to work.
3). I wouldn't have to go to school.

Becareful what you pray for.

Than again there is always next Tuesday.
Than again there is always next Saturday.
Than again there is always next Tuesday.
Than again there is always next Saturday.
And so on, so on, so on........................


I still love you, and please say "HI" to Bubby.
Have good Shabbos.
Stay healthy and be safe.

Love Tamara

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

ahhhhhhhhhhh i love it...shabbat shalom tamara and smooches to the family

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

again happy birthday stacey...thanks for dropping by...virgo hmmmmm...perfectionist...has the patience of Job for the little details that makes the rest of us crazy...and the best friend a person could have...the good earth...shabbat shalom...stay safe

 

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