Monday, December 04, 2006

AN IRISHMAN...A GENTILE...AND A JEW

Lately, I’ve been collecting jokes that either made me smile or laugh out loud. Usually I send them off to my email list, but this morning I decided to post them.

Hope you enjoy them and if you have any that tickle your fancy, I’d love to read them.

The Irish Joke:

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

‘So,’ says the cop to the driver. ‘Where have ya been?’

‘Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,’ slurs the drunk.

‘Well,’ says the cop, ‘it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.’

‘I did, all right,’ the drunk says with a smile.

‘Did you know,’ says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,
‘that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?’

‘Oh! Thank heavens,’ sighs the drunk. ‘For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.’
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The Gentile Joke:

A man calls his mother and says, "Mother, I know you're expecting me for
dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I can't make it."

His mother says, "OK."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Jewish Joke:

Yiddish word for today: POLKES (POHL-kess) THIGHS.

Note: this word has been traced back to the language of one of the original Tribes of Israel…the Cellulites.

BADA BOOM!

Have a great day…stay safe…and thanks for dropping in.

20 Comments:

At 7:26 AM, Anonymous Colleen said...

Why did God invent whiskey?
So the Irish would never rule the world.

 
At 7:28 AM, Anonymous Colleen said...

Irish toast

May you be in heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you are dead.

 
At 7:31 AM, Anonymous Colleen said...

Irish Stew

We've got our own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

shalom colleen...i love your comments!!!...especially being in heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you are dead!!! thanks so much for writing and sharing...and for dropping in...stay safe

 
At 4:56 PM, Anonymous yehupitz said...

That Irish joke is going into a sermon. Guaranteed.

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

ah yehupitz...you unmask...:))) stay safe my old friend

 
At 5:55 PM, Anonymous the guv said...

Wait, it will take me just a second to come up with one of the hundreds of clean jokes I memorized for occasions such as this one.

The Guv

* Well, THAT was MY contribution. Enough to keep anyone, who knows me well, howling all day

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

now guv...hahahaha...lololol...roflmho

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Leann said...

marallyn you funny girl you.thanks for the chuckles.its snowing here so bad I can,t see the hill across town.{a little boy learned in sunday school that we return to ashes when we die and we were made out of dust.that afternoon he was playing under his grandma,s bed when he ran yelling to his mom.{there is someone coming or going under grandma,s bed!!!!!}who are the only three people in the world with out belly buttons?Adam and eve,and my best friend Doris who lost her,s cause she had sooo many operation,s!my grandkids didn,t believe me about Doris so she had to show them.{what is the diffrence between a praying grandma and a pitbull? {lipstick}. how do you get a christain off your back?get saved!!!who broke all the 10 comandments at once ? {mose}.this is a bumper sticker I made up.{don,t let Darwin make a monkey out of your anseters.}have a great week and shalom.

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

hiiiiiiii leann...i love your jokes...and bumper sticker...funny funny...good to laugh, no??? stay safe my dear friend...and thanks for dropping in

 
At 6:39 PM, Anonymous shelley said...

A woman goes into her local pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottle of arsenic.
The pharmacist says that he cannot sell her arsenic, as he will lose his license, then lose his pharmacy and end up on the street...poor.
The woman then gives the pharmacist a picture, he looks at it and sees his wife in bed, with the woman's husband.
Without missing a beat, the pharmacist replies...Oh I didn't realize that you had a prescription!!!

So one of my favourite sayings holds true...YOU GOTTA FIND THE FUNNY!!!! I hope this brings a chuckle to your day...hugs too!!!

 
At 8:14 PM, Anonymous Colleen said...

I believe in the big bang theory, God spoke and *bang* it happened.

I don't understand the gentile joke..will you explain?:):)

 
At 10:12 PM, Anonymous rena said...

Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says, "You own your own
business, don't you? How's
it going?"
The other Gentile says; "Just great! Thanks for asking!"

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

ah renale...another conversation no two jews ever had...thanks for dropping in...ps my son said he's looking :)

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

shalom colleen...love the big bang theory...as for the gentile joke...see jewish moms might also say 'ok'...but they would say it in such a way that their son/daughter would know that they have just stuck a stake in their mama's heart...whereas the gentile mom said 'ok' and means it...see jewish moms are experts at what is known as 'jewish mother guilt'...hope that explains it for you...stay safe and thanks again for dropping in

 
At 10:19 PM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

hiiiiiiiii shelley...i love it!!!hahahaha...stay safe honey

 
At 4:08 AM, Anonymous Colleen said...

LOL!
Jewish mothers must swap strategies with Catholics:)
I don't understand that other gentile joke either:)

 
At 10:13 AM, Anonymous the bald and the beautiful said...

Hi Marallyn.

I hope all your tzures are behind you.
I hope everybody survived.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Ten years from now will laugh about it.
File it under "E" for experience.
Lord works in mysterious ways.
There is always a silver lining.
What goes around, comes around.
The sun will come out tomorrow
Keep smiling.
We all had to deal with this.

I hope one of the above applies to you, and gives you peace of mind.
God willing.

I'm back in Windsor.
Yesterday we had the Bris of my son's son.
The baby was well enough for the bris.
They named him Shmuel Yaacov.
He is my third grandbaby.
So I'm back and ready to put my two cents to your commentators pool of wise, funny, loyal and extremely amusing readers.
So here are thoughts:
Re. sayings:
1)." To raise children is like chewing on the rocks".
Once you chew your way through to the middle, you will enjoy the sweet and delicious center, even though you've broken all your teeth.

2).re: The Gov & Yehupetz:

The Gov and Yehupetz sitting in the tree. K I S S I N G.
First comes ........ la, la, la,.

3). The Broadway Shows:
1. Fiddler on the roof
2. Joseph
3. My Fair Lady
4. Sound of Music
5. Les Mis
6. Lion King.

Anyway, I really hope you, Bubby Hannah and yours are healthy, wealthy, safe and happy.
Keep on blogging.
I love you.
The Bald and Beautiful

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

shalom colleen...the second joke is the same as the first one...jewish people look out for the 'evil eye'...they would never say business is great...they would say something like, 'can't complain' or 'could be better'...have a great day

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger marallyn ben moshe said...

shalom B& B!!!!! welcome back... i have missed you a lot a lot a lot...mazal tov on the new baby...and thanks for all your comments...pls don't stay away so long...and thanks for the good wishes...i think the cup is becoming half full once again tfu tfu tfu...stay safe my dear dear friend...hugs and kisses to you and baldie too

 

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