YAHOOOOOO! I DID IT!!!

This January, I made three resolutions. One of them was to finish the novel I've been writing for the past twenty months. And I did it! Four hundred and eighty-five pages and one thousand, three hundred and fifty words later EMMA SHELBY IS NO MORE is written!

I'm sorry that I disappered this week, but I simply had to get it done. I was too close to the end and what a journey this has been!

For those of you who emailed me wondering where I was, and if I was all right, I thank you for your caring and concern. Now, I hope to have more time to sit and shmooze. I missed you all too.

Wanna know what the book is about? Here is a rough synopsis.

Emma Shelby was an orphan. Her father was killed in the Korean War a few months before she was born, and when she was seventeen her mother died from complications of the flu. Luckily, she was an honour student and was able to get a full scholarship to study at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan.

That is where she meets Rafiq Moussa, a Lebanese Muslim.

Due to a personal tragedy, the Moussa's moved to America where they thought they could pick up the pieces of their life and build a future.

Emma knows nothing about life. Rafiq knows too much.

Emma finds herself thrown into a world of belly dancers, exotic spices and a culture so strange that she forgets for awhile the dreams she had and the degree in literature that she struggled so hard to earn.

Then, when a stranger knocks on her door, her whole life is turned upside down. Everyone she thought she could trust and believe in has betrayed her.

Is Rafiq's and Emma's love strong enough to carry them to a safe place where each can honor the other's culture while not giving up their own beliefs along the way? Can Emma trust him, or anyone ever again?

These are some of the questions Emma is forced to ask herself. The questions are easy, finding the answers are much more complicated.

Well, folks that's it in a nutshell. What a joy it was writing this story. I'm going to miss all these wonderful characters who have been keeping me company for nearly two years.

Thanks for missing me...I missed you too....owee owee owee as Rafi would say.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

DONTCHA JUST LOVE A GOOD BOOK?

I love reading. I love the feel of a new book in my hands and the excitement of going on an adventure with new people to new places. The smartest fellow was the one who invented the Used Book Store. Sooooooooooo smart. Here in Israel they are all over the place and almost as good as a library. We don't really have a library like there are in Canada and the States, and I miss them.

Yesterday I went to Sefer and Sefel (Book and Cup) and exchanged my old books. I got six new ones and the difference in price was only ten shekels that I owed them. Well, I did take back three times as many books as I bought but that's only fair...they have to make a living.

I love hisorical fiction. Picture this Rome 1152! Makes Bubbie Channah nuts. So I just finished a Philippa Gregory novel...The Queen's Fool. About Hannah, a Jewish girl who has 'the Sight' and ends up spying on the Princeses Mary and Elizabeth for Robert Dudly. Lovely!

Then I read, The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd. Here's the first line: 'In the middle of my marriage, when I was above all Hugh's wife and Dee's mother, one of those unambiguous women with no desire to disturb the universe, I fell in love with a Benedictine monk.' Ok, tell me you aren't going to read on and find out what's going on.

Then I read, Wicked, by Gregory Maguire. Dontcha wish you would have thought of that. And yes it is the book the musical comes from.

I re-read The Haj by Leon Uris and The Source by James.A. Michner. No need to add anything here.

So, wanna know what I picked up yesterday? A Stolen Tongue by Sheri Holman. It says it's an enthralling mystery set along the route of a fifteenth-centure religious pilgrimage and the lady in the store said I'd love it. I'll let you know.

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Stephen King writes that it is the real deal, a novel full of cheesy spleandour and creaking trapdoors, where even the subplots have subplots...one gorgeous read.

Birds Without Wings by Louis de Bernieres, the man who wrote Captain Corelli's Mandolin, ahhhhhhhh.

And for Bubbie Channah who is addicted to the Sopranos and to Monk, Mr. Monk Goes to Hawaii, by Lee Goldberg.

That's my list for now. Would you please share your list with me? I'm always looking for a good book. And now that I'm so busy writing my own novel every day (460 pages and 130,000 words so far...sigh) I find it even more of a joy reading.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

MAYBE NOT SO FUNNY

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with
President Hillary Clinton ."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same
Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President
and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
---tx chavah
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A mind is such a terrible thing to waste.
The laughter of a child is the best sound in the world.

I've been thinking and thinking how we are going to keep our children laughing with the leaders of the world that we have today.

Any ideas? I know what I would do if we had a representative government in this country. Isn't the shortest distance still a straight line? No one sees that the Saudis and the terrorists are in cahoots? Like maybe one person in the universe thought that Arafat, that mamzer, deserved the Nobel Peace prize.

So what are we going to do about it? Me? Today I'm going out to lunch with Bubbie Channah and then tonight is my writing class.

Soon it will be Purim here. Maybe I'll wear a chicken costume and run around shouting, 'The sky is falling! The sky is falling!'

Waddya think?

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

SO 'SPLAIN ME LUCY

How come people can't see the nose in front of their faces? How come a man like Jimmy Carter, a former President of the United States, for God's sake, can write a book like that? How come?

You wanna know how come? Cos the world has gotten used to hating Jews...once again.

I didn't want to write about this. I hate this. But I have checked it, found the original quote from and it is accurate.

Brian Da Palma on Jimmy Carter
"There are only two motives that audiences really buy: sex and money.That
wise advice has stayed with me and served me well throughout my
screenwriting career. Which brings us to former President Jimmy Carter.
Everyone is running around trying to figure why he's spending so much time
bashing Israel. In a world filled with so much horror -- the endless and
brutal civil wars in Liberia, and Sierra Leone, the daily and quite casual
slaughters in Somalia, Zimbabwe, Congo, Chad, Haiti, and the genocide in
Sudan -- let's face it, the list of failed states and murderous African
and Islamic dictators is endless, so , why pick on Israel?

Well, to clear up the confusion, just cruise on over to the website of the Carter Center and take a look at the list of donors who have contributed more than a
million dollars.

What a shock, what a rogues gallery: Prince Alaweed bin Talal, the Sultanate of Oman, Sultan Quobos bin Said al Said, The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, Bakir M binLadin for the Saudi Bin Ladin Group, the Saudi Fund for Development, and the

and states who have been financing jihad all over the globe and fomenting
some of the most vicious anti-Jewish hatred the world has ever seen. As Jimmy Carter makes the rounds of the various mainstream media news shows
I'm waiting for one honest reporter to ask the former President this
simple question: "Mr. President, are you a paid agent of Arab jihadist
governments?"
Yeah, that'll happen.

So I guess it isn't who you are Desi...it's who you know!!!

ps...thanks itsy :)

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

A YIDDISH EXPRESSION

There is a Yiddish expression that goes like this: ahz mehn lebt, derlebt mehn, which loosely translates as if you live long enough you can see anything.

So there I was reading my email and then I saw this: SAUDI PRINCE TO BUILD HOTEL IN TEL AVIV.

Nope, not kidding. Was written up in the Israeli newspaper Yediot Ahronot and covered by Imra www.maannews.net/en/index.php?opr=ShowDetails&ID=19556

Ma'an - Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal is in negotiations to build an
eight-storey, 150-room hotel on Tel Aviv's coastline, the Israeli newspaper
'Yedioth Ahranoth' reported in its online edition.

The Israeli paper says that two architects have already started working on
the project. One is Bin Talal's private architect, who had worked with him
on oriental hotels across the world, Basel al-Beiti. The other is former Tel
Aviv Chief City Engineer, Yisrael Gudovich.

The planned project is a joint venture with the Abulafya family in Tel Aviv,
the paper says.

Bin Talal is the nephew of the late Saudi King Faisal. He is considered to
be extremely wealthy (the paper suggests he is worth $26.4 billion) with an
empire that includes holdings in banks, financing and investment firms,
hi-tech and communications companies, leading hotels in the United States,
Europe and the Arab world, and tourist sites.

Well, folks, what do you think of that? Now, I don't want to be a spoil sport. I mean why should I rain on everyone's parade? Here is this nice rich Saudi Prince coming all the way over to little Israel, a country that he doesn't recognize and btw wants to blow up to smithereens, and is going to work...take a breath...with the Jews and build this hotel.

I can see it now. 'Hey, Ahmad. Watcha doing for Pessach? Wanna come to Tel Aviv for the holidays? Yah. I got a deal. Yah. My wife's first cousin Fatima who is married to Ibrahim who is a relative of Miriyam who is married to Prince Al-Walid bin Talal's cook, can get us a deal. A steal. Dirt cheap. Waddya say?'

But, entres nous. When the Russians came we got KGB guys. And when the Saudi's come what do you think they'll bring? It ain't gonna be baklawa. Sigh.

And I bet the three stooges...nope wait we only have two...the head of the armed forces already resigned....that leaves Tweedledum and Tweedledee must think this is a grand idea.

Guiliani told his Saudi Prince what he could do with his ten million dollar donation after the Twin Towers were attacked. And he told Arafat, that mamzer, that he couldn't go into the UN waving his pistol.

Now, there's a man I would like to build a hotel with. Maybe he'll get to be President and we'll begin to feel a little safe again.

In the meantime, maybe I know someone who knows someone who can get you a room wholesale.

A sweet shavuah tov.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER :)

Last year I received this email and once I figured out what the hell it was saying I loved it. And I hope you will too.

Here's a clue to get you started:
Little Red Ridding Hood
Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived with her mother in a little cottage on a ridge off a large, dark forest. This little girl often wore pretty little red cloak with a little red hat, and for this reason people called her Little Red Riding Hood.

OK, have fun. Someone was very smart. Anguish Languish by Howard L. Chase.

p.s. The only words I'm not sure of are 'shirker cockles'...sugar cookies??? If you get it please let me know.


Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

WANTS PAWN TERM DARE WORSTED LADLE GULL HOE LIFT wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry Putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset.

"Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainersi"

"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft.

Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.

"Wail, wail, wailI" set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hutf Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle basking?"

"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle gull. "Grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cockles."

"0 hoe! Heifer gnats woke," setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf, "Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den-- O bore!"

Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonol pot honor groin-murder's nut cup an gnat-gun, any curdled ope inner bet.

Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar cordage, an ranker dough ball. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum, an stud buyer groin-murder's bet.

"O Grammarl" crater ladle gull historically, "Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag icel"

"Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard," setter bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.

O, Grammar, water bag noisel A nervous sore suture anomalous prognosis!"

"Battered small your whiff, doling," whiskered dole woof, ants mouse worse waddling.

"0 Grammar, water bag mouser gutY A nervous sore suture bag mouse!"

Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull's lest warts. Oil offer sodden, caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, disk hoard-hoarded woof lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.

MURAL: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.

Have a great day...stay safe...thanks for dropping in.

DONTCHA JUST HATE IT WHEN...

I don't know about you but I have a great deal of patience for dumb people. See, I figure they can't help themselves. But, boy oh boy I don't have any patience at all for stupid people.

So, when it turns out that I'M the stupid one...well you can just imagine.

The first time I remember being really stupid was in 1968. I was teaching and living in Amber Flats in Royal Oak, Michigan.

Picture this. Winter 1968. Snow everywhere. I run out to my spiffy metallic blue Mustang on my way to an important meeting and the motor is silent. Not even that cough, cough, spit, grind, sound of the battery dying in front of your very eyes. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

I ran into the flat and quickly called AAA and realizing that they had a hysterical lady on their hands, they promised to come out immediately. I paced. I tried turning the key in the ignition once again. Silence.

The AAA guy came within fifteen minutes, a minor miracle considering all the snow and everything. Hopping from one foot to the other to keep warm I watched him turn the key and jiggle something and VOILA!!! The motor purred like my friend the Guv's cat.

I thanked him over and over and then asked the usual questions. How? What?

He just smiled at me and said, 'Lady, the car will never turn on when it's in reverse." Chuckling and shaking his head he walked back to his truck and drove off.

I didn't remember putting the damn thing in reverse. I never left the car in reverse.

All the way to my meeting I could hear him laughing and chuckling to himself, 'Darn women think they can drive.' And other less complimentary stuff like that.

Today, I woke up, davened, and ran to turn on my computer before running to teach my first student. The computer turned on just fine and was connected to the internet but wouldn't access any sites outside of Israel. I wasn't worried. That had happened before and I quickly logged onto some Israeli sites and they worked just fine.

But when I got back a few hours later and it still wouldn't connect and I couldn't access gmail or blogger or anything I called my technical support guy.

I hate calling my technical support guy. Technical support people speak a language that is scary to people like me. Pull this; push that; unplug this; now try that...you know the routine.

Well, the conclusion was that since neither my laptop nor my p.c. would access the sites it wasn't a computer thing it was a connection thing, 'and no lady we are not experiencing any technical difficulties in your area or in the country right now.'

Those were definietly NOT the words I wanted to hear. I wanted him to tell me that it was all HIS fault and they would fix it in a nano-second and to be patient.

The final conclusion was that the wireless thingy/box thing was causing trouble. So I unplugged it from the wall. Nope. Then just when he was giving me the number of my phone server guy I pushed in all the connecting thingees to the wireless box and the p.c.

ANOTHER MIRACLE IN THE HOLY LAND!!! Yahooooo!!! Hocus Pocus, or as Uri Geller would say 'Achad...Shtayim...SHALOSH!' ( 1-2-3)

Seems that when my son, went to print something from the main computer he moved something or pushed something or Lord alone knows what happened and somehow the gear got shoved into reverse!

So, that's why this post is so late today. But to tell you the truth. I am simply so grateful that I didn't have to call my computer guy and pay him a hundred shekels an hour to jiggle the connections and tsk tsk me the way that AAA man did thirty-nine years ago.

THIRTY-NINE YEARS AGO??????? OY!!!

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

GOOD TO LAUGH, NO?

I love words. I love talking and I love writing. I love my words, your words, anyone's words, especially if they are clever. That's one of the reasons I adore Mel Brooks. The 2,000 Year Old Man, in my opinion, is a classic. Next comes Jackie Mason. And we can all quote them, right?

Next, I like to laugh. And if I can laugh because the words were clever, then what could be better? OK, OK, I know...a corned beef sandwich...pecan pie...a all-expense paid trip to some exotic place where they drink stuff out of a pineapple with one of those little umbrellas inside. Sigh.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Words. I received this a few days ago from Yehupitz' mom...a lady who I really love. And they made me smile and laugh.

So, I thought, why shouldn't I share them with you?

Some are ouchers. More fun with words...enjoy...THE PUN.


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. " It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!"

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

17. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Year's later; Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

19. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

IF YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL COME

Do you remember that movie with Kevin Costner about a guy who has a feeling he needs to cut down some of his corn field and build a baseball diamond? And all the old, long-gone baseball players show up to play ball? He kept hearing a voice saying, 'If you build it, he/they will come.'

Then I saw the movie SECRET...an awsome film about projecting what you want for yourself out into the cosmos and the more you see it and believe it the more it is going to come your way.

Both those ideas sat easily on my shoulders as I do believe in positive thinking. I do believe that it is better to see the glass half full.

So wanna know what I am projecting? ( Well after all the kids should be well and healthy and everyone should be fine and world peace...sigh )

I see myself in a beautiful garden with lovely flowers and green grass all around. And me sitting at a table with my laptop writing. The sun is shining but a lovely breeze is blowing and I'm on vacation someplace outside of Israel simply writing.

Isn't that nice?

Ok, I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours. You do, that's the rule :))).

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

KVETCH, KVETCH, KVETCH WENT THE TROLLEY

Have you ever noticed how people love to kvetch, but when it comes to saying something nice, the cat got their tongue?

My friend A. may be losing her job because some guys didn't like the way she said howdy to them. Just a handful of people. But where are the gzillions of other folk who loved her happy face with they walked into the building and greeted them? Those guys took her niceness for granted and left the big boss only knowing the compaints of a few.

Bubbie Channah says that I am the friendliest person in Jerusalem. Well, why the hell not? What does it cost to say 'thank you' or 'nice to see you' or 'have a great day'? Sometimes all people have to offer is a service and a kind word can go a long way, don't you think?

I hope A. doesn't lose her job. She was good at it and loved it. And I hope if you have a chance to say something nice to someone you will.

Besides, smiling and laughing keep you young. Frowning and kvetching put inches on your hips. Trust me...have I ever lied to you before?

p.s. thanks maesh for the title :)))

A sweet shavuah tov to you all.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

MARMALADE

Every second Tuesday, I join a group of wonderful men and women and we sit and seriously critique the latest chapters that we have written. All under the gentle watching eye and prowess of David our mentor.

Last summer I dropped in to speak to David about something and before I left he handed me a jar of homemade marmalade.

Folks...in my life I have never tasted anything that good.

Of course, I asked how to make it and he told me that every January/February, down the street in the shuk there are bitter orange trees. So bitter, in fact, that you can't eat them. But they make the best gosh darn marmalade in the universe.

So, I waited and waited and last Tuesday, David handed me a bag of the freshly picked oranges. See, they were so high up on the trees that there was no way that I could have picked them. He, on the other hand, has an invention he cooked up that cuts them down. Yahooooo.

Yesterday I made marmalade. Twenty jars of marmalade. I made the best marmalade in the universe!

Now, since you don't have these bitter oranges, or maybe you do, you can make this out of any citrus fruit...a combination of oranges and lemons works too. And any condiment you add makes a new flavour.

Marmalade:
Cover the bottom of each pot with whole fruit. (I had 16 oranges in 2 pots)
Cover the fruit with water and bring to a boil.
Let boil until the fruit implodes or gets soft or cracked.
Remove the fruit.
Weigh the liquid.
Finally slice the fruit skins into slivers...tiny pieces.
Remove the pits from the fruit and throw them away.
Weigh the fruit skins.
Add the weight of the fruit and the juice (liquid) together and match with an equal amount of sugar. (I had 2,000 grams of liquid and 2,220 grams of fruit. I used 4 kilo of sugar)
Boil the liquid and sugar until sugar dissolves.
Add the fruit.
Bring to a boil and keep stirring. Takes about 30-40 minutes, until the liquid is a golden brown and foamy.

This recipe makes 4.6-5 kilo of jam.

Took all morning but boy oh boy was it worth it.

Wishing you a sweet shabbat shalom.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.
ps. wanna come to my place for peanut butter and jam sandwiches? Trust me, this recipe is worth the effort.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

F*CK

all i need is U

FOR LEXOPHILES...lovers of words

From my dear friend Rickelle...thanks girlfriend.
And one more for the pot from Sue Monk Kidd 'The Mermaid Chair'...Freudian slip...like when you say one thing and mean a-mother. Hahahaha.

OK...I do so love smart people and the English language. AHHHHHHH...

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He would often have to break into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen e-mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye !!!

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

SAVLANUT

For those of you who do not know, savlanut is Hebrew for 'patience'. Whenever something goes wrong an Israeli will put his thumb and first two fingers together, point the fingers towards his chest and move them back and forth while saying 'Savlanut'. This is usually accompanied by a slight smile or grin.

I always thought that was hysterical since the people with the least amount of savlanut I have met are the Israelis. Well, the Jerusalem Israelis. Maybe the Jerusalem Sepharadi Israelis. (I can say that see, because I am a Jerusalem Israeli and have three Sepharadi kids and two Sepharadi grandchildren since my husband was born in Kurdistan, Iraq).

Little kids pick up that finger/smile action as soon as they can stand alone and not fall down. That and a shrug of the shoulder which translates to mean 'I don't wanna.'

I was always amazed that my babies did the shoulder thing and never knew where they got it from. Maybe it's in the genes like the savlanut thing. Hmmmm.

Well, I personally think that I have a great deal of patience, but my savlanut was put to the test this week by my son, the college student.

Now don't get me wrong, the kid is a keeper...and I always felt that G-d looked down at me and decided to give me something special so He gave me this kid.

So when he came to me this week and asked if I minded if he took my laptop as kids were coming over to study for exams and they needed it, could I say no? Could I refuse the next Clarence Darrow or Allan Dershewitz the use of my computer so he or she could study?

'Of course you can have it,' I said smiling while in my heart I was hoping the new Judge to be wouldn't f..., I mean sc..., I mean do anything to hurt my new laptop. Sigh.

Anyways, I haven't been online for the past couple of days since the kids had my laptop and it was much too cold to sit by the computer as the winds and rain and freezing seeped through the windows where I keep it.

I missed you too!!! But here I am back, fat and sassy and raring to go.

Hope you have a great day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.

WHILE THE FOOD IS COOKING

While the food is cooking and I get ready for Shabbat, I was thinking of what a wonderful time I had last night.

Let's see...Bubbie Channah and Tsiril are first cousins. Nechama is her daughter. Frummie is Nechama's daughter. So that makes Frummi my (I don't know how many) cousin.

Well, mazal tov! Mazal tov! Frummie got engaged and last night was the engagement party. Bubbie Channah and I went and we had the most wonderful time.

The people were wonderful. The groom and his family seem like such wonderful people. Old Spharadi family who originally were from Iran but have been in Israel for generations. Nice nice nice.

Where I was sitting I could see through the mehiztzah (the wooden barricade that separated the men from the women) and My Cousin Sheldon, the Dentist (Tsiril's husband) was sitting across from me smiling from ear to ear.

The room was fraylach (happy happy happy). The food was gorgeous. The people were beaming and as I walked out I hoped that the happiness and joy that filled that room would follow the new couple throughout their lives. Amen.

Nice to watch people you love happy.

Shabbat shalom.

Have a good day...stay safe...and thanks for dropping in.